There is a kind of gap: you are not worthy of your ambition, and you have betrayed all your suffering.

It is a profound gap, an unbearable kind of pain. It is like an invisible hand, gripping your throat tightly, making every breath heavy and suffocating. You know you possess boundless ambition; your ideals are like a dazzling star, shimmering in your heart, guiding you toward the distant horizon. But you are also aware that you have not yet reached that height—the ideal version of yourself is far above the person you see now. You constantly tell yourself, don’t give up, don’t stop, yet reality stands like a cold, towering wall, blocking every step forward you attempt to take.

Ambition is a double-edged sword. It gives you the drive to move forward, but it often leaves you feeling suffocated. You have dreams, you have pursuits; you want the best things, you want to stand on the highest stage, you want the world to see your light. But the day-in, day-out efforts never seem to fill that deep void within your heart. You feel as though you are giving your all, yet you still cannot approach those seemingly unreachable goals. That feeling of being unable to touch what you yearn for continuously tears at the softest parts of your being.

You once believed that hard work would bring rewards; you once thought that all suffering would eventually bear fruit. You pushed yourself to the limit, enduring one difficult day and night after another. Yet when you look back, you find yourself still in the same place, or even further from the goal you once held. Those years of late-night overtime, those moments of painful disappointment, those instances of being misunderstood and overlooked—they all seem to have faded into emptiness, unable to fill those heavy, hollow spaces.

You cannot help but admit that, in a sense, you are betraying all your efforts. Every drop of sweat, every sleepless night seems to be telling you that you have given so much, yet received no return in kind. In the deepest hours of the night, sitting alone in an empty room pondering all of this, you feel utterly exhausted. You keep telling yourself that it is all worth it, that all the suffering will eventually transform into strength at some moment. But you begin to wonder: have you truly taken the wrong path, or were those efforts inherently meaningless from the start?

You begin to compare yourself to everyone around you. Those who seem to have walked in the light from the very beginning—they have better opportunities, stronger luck, they always appear to achieve their goals smoothly, crossing those hurdles with ease. And you? You remain trapped in your own small world, unable to break through that invisible barrier. You begin to feel that you can no longer bear this gap; that sense of powerlessness, of being abandoned by your own ideals, devours all your courage.

Yet, sometimes, you have no choice but to admit that perhaps this is simply the normal state of life. Everyone must experience that inescapable gap—the fissure between ideal and reality. Perhaps those past pains and struggles were always a part of growth. You cannot abandon the passion and dreams you once held just because of a temporary failure. Perhaps that better version of yourself is merely hidden on the other side of time, waiting for you to experience, to grow, to bridge those gaps.

Even so, in the quiet of the night, you still feel a deep sense of regret—regret that you were once so young, so full of hope, yet have become so weary in the face of this current disparity. You are not worthy of your ambition because that ambition seems too great, too distant. You have betrayed all your suffering because you did not receive an instant reward. But perhaps the most fortunate thing is that you are still alive, still cradling that unextinguished spark within. Even if you fall, there is still hope to rise again and continue walking toward the distant horizon.

Afterword

This text describes the inner conflict and pain one experiences when facing the gap between reality and ideals. It reveals two dimensions of this gap: one is the disparity between personal ambition and actual capability, and the other is the contradiction between effort and outcome.

The Conflict Between Ideal and Reality

In the process of growing up, everyone develops their own blueprint of ideals—perhaps to become a successful entrepreneur, a world-renowned artist, or a scholar making outstanding contributions in a particular field. These ideals are often called “ambition,” the driving force that propels a person forward.

However, the gap between ambition and reality is a harsh truth that most people inevitably face. Setbacks in reality, difficulties, a lack of resources, and competition with others often make one’s ambition appear excessively grand and unrealistic. We frequently feel that we are not worthy of those lofty aspirations; despite having intense desires and dreams, our practical actions are constantly constrained and hindered. At such times, our hearts plunge into deep confusion and self-reproach.

The Imbalance Between Effort and Reward

Beyond the conflict between ambition and reality, another profound layer is that despite immense effort, the rewards fall far short of expectations. In the process of striving, everyone experiences various kinds of hardship and sacrifice. It might be countless nights of overtime work, the relentless rumination over failure, or the helplessness and loneliness in the face of all kinds of pain.

However, when the fruits of one’s labor are disproportionate to the toil, it feels like a betrayal of all the suffering endured. Toiling diligently yet reaping no harvest, or a harvest far less than hoped for—this disparity leads one not only to question their own abilities but also their very worth. In this process, one becomes mired in doubt about past efforts, even questioning the meaning of those sacrifices.

Self-Comparison with Others

Apart from internal conflict, there is also external pressure: comparison with others. Around us, there always seem to be people destined for success from birth, or those who achieve fame overnight through some opportunity. Meanwhile, we ourselves, despite striving hard, never manage to break through that invisible “ceiling.” This comparison with others further deepens our disappointment in the gap between our ambition and reality. We begin to doubt not only our own capabilities but also feel that we have betrayed the dreams we once held and all the suffering we endured.

How to Move Beyond This Gap?

Faced with such a gap, we cannot remain mired in self-blame and despondency. Although the distance between ideal and reality is often disheartening, it is also the very soil for growth. Every effort, every pain, is part of the process of drawing closer to our dreams. We must learn to accept this gap, to acknowledge its existence, rather than being overwhelmed by it.

First, we must clarify a fact: the gap between ideal and reality does not signify failure; on the contrary, it can be the very motivation for progress. Behind no success is there a complete absence of setbacks; failure itself is an accumulation of experience. Only by going through setbacks can we gain a clearer understanding of the path we must take, enabling us to find firmer footing in the future.

Second, we need patience. Success is seldom achieved overnight; it requires accumulation and time. Our suffering and setbacks will ultimately become nourishment for our success. Although we may feel hopeless now, as long as we persevere, our future selves will surely thank the self of today who did not give up.

Finally, it is crucial to maintain self-awareness and adjust our mindset. We must not lose our way by comparing ourselves to others, nor should we abandon our former ideals because of short-term failures. Everyone’s path to success has its own unique rhythm; the most important thing is to continue striving and to learn to grow and reflect in the process.

“You are not worthy of your ambition, and you have betrayed all your suffering.” This statement can be seen as a form of self-admonishment. It reminds us not to easily abandon our ideals, even though the pressures of reality may leave us utterly weary. We must realize that every bit of suffering is meant to better prepare us for future success, and that no effort is ever in vain. Through constant reflection and adjustment, we can gradually narrow the distance between ambition and reality, ultimately achieving our ideals.